Solo on the Vermont Long Trail | And then I walked — sarah robison · on the appalachian trail & a life unconventional

“Sorry it’s so late…I’m starting the Vermont Long Trail out of Rutland next Saturday. Wallflower had planned to hike the duration with me, but life had other plans. I am feeling insecure about traversing this terrain ‘solo’ (no pun intended), especially in potentially snowy conditions, but I am committed. Even if alone. Thought of you and need your pep talk. Thank you for being.”, I reached out to Solo, last Saturday night.

Solo responded frankly, “You’ve got the right gear, Dips, and you know what you’re doing…so you go out there and have a great time. I’m always a little anxious when I start a new hike, not sure why. All gone after the first couple of miles. You’re going on the LT…you rock!”.

Solo completed his fourth thru hike of the Appalachian Trail in the fall of 2021.

His fourth.

And he still gets anxious when he begins a new hike.

I take Solo’s word for gold.

“Life happens for you, not to you. In the unexpected, ask yourself- “What can I learn from this?...How can this make me better?...”

— Clint Murphy

Perhaps I was intended to go at this alone.

“You hiked the f%&$!#g AT, Sarah, soooo…”, Shannon said.

“This is different.”, I explained.

Uncharted. Course corrected. Depopulated. Vigorous. Ambiguous.

And now solitary.

“What can I learn from this? How can this make me better?”, I repeated, challenging myself quietly.

Life’s “other plans” have given to me the opportunity to peel off yet another layer of insecurity. Of self-doubt. Of intimidation.

Of fear.

I have everything that I need.

And I know what to do.

Solo told me so.

“Worry pretends to be useful.”

— Eckhart Tolle

Am I suffering from a case of self-diagnosed “Imposter syndrome.”?

Imposter what?!?

“Imposter syndrome involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.”, Anna McKinney detailed in her excerpt on The Trek.

I had done the damn thing, yet I can still feel unsuited for this venture. Out of place.

Because it is foreign to me. New. Different. Enigmatic.

Just as a career leap, a threatening diagnosis, or a new relationship feels on you.

Unfamiliar is scary.

We never feel how they look. Do not compare yourself to the ones that appear to be perfectly placed. It’s a look. Their uncertainties mirror yours. We all feel the same. I assure you.

During Rich Roll’s interview with Lisa Bilyeu, co-founder of Quest Nutrition and President of Impact Theory Studios, she speaks of “radical confidence”. “Confidence isn’t the start of something- it’s the result of something. People don’t take action because they’re waiting for confidence to come- the confidence part will come over time. It will come with action, repetition, and gained competence. The confidence is the byproduct.”, Lisa explains.

“The confidence is the byproduct.”, I listened again.

And then the light bulb went off.

You don’t have to feel confident to start. How could you when entering new territory?

Do it anyway.

Confidence is created.

The Vermont Long Trail, the “LT”, is 272 miles long and follows the main ridge of the Green Mountains from the Massachusetts-Vermont state line to the Canadian border. Its terrain arduous, with climbs and descents mimicking those of New Hampshire’s Whites. Built between 1910 and 1930, it was the vision of James P. Taylor and later became the inspiration for the Appalachian Trail. The LT and AT share 100 miles of trail in the southern part of the state, all of which I traversed during my thru hike. (The above, as described by the Green Mountain Club.)

I will now attempt to trek the 172 miles that remain, from Rutland, VT to the Canadian border, in the hopes of becoming a Certified Long Trail “End-to-Ender”.

“What do you do with all of your time outside of the hospital?”, I am often asked, given my modest 20 hour weeks.

“I work.”

“You what?”

I work.

“Work” is defined as “an activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result” by the New Oxford American Dictionary. It does not have to be exchanged for wages. And often more readily enjoyed when it is not.

I am working to get my message out to the world through continuing to write to all of you, here. All of my gratitude for your continued following, reading, and reaching out. Lives are being transformed, folks.

I am working on a manuscript in my preparation to publish a memoir, with tact and with patience. Editors. Publishers. Small press. Literary agency. Networking. I have learned that it is equally as difficult to be reputably published as it is to win an Oscar. Twice. In the same season. Duncan Hines introduced his first cake at 73. I’ve got time.

I am working to become more comfortable in front of the podium, saying “yes” to any offer to speak before a crowd of listeners.

I am working with Mills Kelly, of The Green Tunnel podcast and R2 Studios, in December to apprentice his expertise in sound and digital media production.

And I am working to maintain both my trail legs and savviness to remain capable of walking 2193.1 miles, once again.

Yes, you have read that correctly.

I want to read the book for the second time.

I am not done with this footpath.

And in the meantime, I’ll keep hiking my own hike.

Solo.