Make A List and Check It Twice
Karaoke.
It terrifies me.
Yet, it captivates me.
I covet the confidence that one must have to stand, facing a group of strangers, and yodel the lyrics of a ballad that holds meaning to them, shoulders back and mic in hand.
It has been on my “list” for five years.
My list of, “What do I want out of this new year?”. My list of, “How do I want to feel after my next trip around the sun?”. My list of, “What have I been avoiding?”.
What worked for you in 2022? What didn’t? What do you want your 2023 to look like? Feel like.
Shed what doesn’t serve you any longer.
And manifest your next.
“Honor the space between no longer and not yet.”
Make a list.
I want my jeans to fit less snug 12 months from now.
Hunger overrides rational thought.
Not because of any type of self-perceived societal norm but because I don’t feel myself in my own skin at present. This 2,000 miler is trading pumpkin pie for a slice of humble pie.
Running is my Dopamine, but I have relinquished my run for my hike. And now my breath won’t take me where my legs are capable of going.
Start where you are, Sarah.
Couch to 5K, it is.
I miss living outside.
When I lost my run, I lost the opportunity to play in the rain. In the snow. To appreciate the inclement. To feel my environment on the daily.
I will find it again.
I want to bring my manuscript to completion before the ground thaws.
Why do I write?
Dana, creator of Tiny Moon Studio, shares, “I used to think impacting others meant losing yourself. I used to think helping people meant thinking only of them. I used to think you had to volunteer a lot or become a doctor, or stand for a cause in order to be a force for good in someone else’s life. What I am learning is that it’s not selfish to chase dreams that qualify as ‘pointless’ by societal norms. Spending a life in pursuit of what makes you come alive is actually wildly impactful. Being fully alive is contagious- it’s an energy that lifts others up to do the same.”
Yes.
I want to wildly impact.
That is why I write.
“Write your life.”
I want to wake up on Sunday mornings without the companionship of my cell phone.
Without the comfort that the distraction of its messages, news offerings, and social media provide.
We open our eyes…
And we reflexively reach for the data pack.
What would it be like to wake up alone in this context? Enveloped only in our own heads, hearts, and domains.
Fugitive from the outside world.
This silence will speak loudly.
Punctuality.
To be late, is to be stressed. Most often, an exceedingly preventable stress.
Stress is bad.
My “on-time” is 10 minutes late.
I want to be on time.
“Control what you can control.”
I used to write each evening, on a scrap of a torn piece of Post-it note, one thing that I had accomplished that day that I was proud of myself for, that was difficult for me. And I would toss it into a coffee can.
“I didn’t feel guilty for not calling my ex-husband on Thanksgiving after our divorce.”
“I went into an open-heart for the first time when my performance anxiety was taking residence in the lump within my throat.”
“I biked to work alone, in the dark.”
“I didn’t gossip today.”
Sporadically, I would blindly reach into the coffee can as I passed through the kitchen and retrieve one of the scraps months, sometimes years, later.
My evolution was measured, staring back at me from the Post-it note, when I revisited what used to intimidate me. The woman who was once daunted to attend a house party stag, has now found herself having walked the length of our country. Alone.
The sense of accomplishment, the gift.
I want to get back to my coffee can diaries.
“Build your ‘Get Shit Done Muscle’. Nothing matters more than this. Nothing. When you’ve never achieved hard things, everything seems scary. When you’ve done an Ironman or an Ultra-marathon, everything seems easy. Start small. Take the first step. Do harder things regularly. ”
I want to put myself in the right room.
Saying “no” to negative energy and mindsets.
You are who you surround yourself with.
Build the right circle.
I have come to believe that confidence is standing convicted in what we say and how we feel despite the reaction that these realities may elicit from others.
The antithesis of people pleasing.
In their Just for Today publication, NA World Services reminds us, “We lie about our feelings, our beliefs, and our needs, trying to soothe others into compliance with our wishes.”
People pleasing can be dishonest and manipulative.
“Ignore them. At first, they will laugh at you. Then they will make fun of you. After a while, they’ll ask you questions. Later, they’ll tell everyone they know you. You will only get to the last step if you learn to ignore the haters.”
Difficult stuff.
I want to be in partnership.
To compromise. To prepare meals for a man who I care about. To climb mountains with. To kill the spiders.
I will stop choosing what isn’t choosing me.
Be the target, not the arrow.
The longer that I entertain what is not for me, the longer I am postponing what is.
“Therapist: “You saw the red flags though, right?
Me: I thought it was a carnival.”
I want to be careful with my time.
Use my “Nos” to protect my “Yeses”.
Unapologetically.
I want to allow myself to be bored. Keep my phone in my pocket in an elevator. And at a red light.
“Think of energy as currency.
If it’s not a “Hell Yes”, it’s a “No Thanks.”
I want to take piano lessons. Take weekends away in the woods, still, without miles and with a good read. Perfect my Grandmother’s gnocchi. Visit with my long-lost Chrissy Kaufman. Trade wine for water. Complete my 29/48 of New Hampshire’s 4,000 foot peaks of the White Mountains.
Just as Zach Davis preached in his publication, Appalachian Trials, I told the world of my intention to thru hike the Appalachian Trail. As it was easier to keep going than to tell those same gobs of people that I wanted to quit. Hold yourself accountable through this same vulnerability.
What is your “thru hike”?
You haven’t come this far to only come this far.
Make a list and check it twice.
And sing some sweet karaoke.
Live into the question marks of 2023…
Pitt alums, Nicole and I.
Syracuse- 9. Pitt- 19, 11.5.22.
Taylor, approaching the field for cheer.
Wilderness Bob’s inaugural Primanti’s sandwich.
We met Kelley, June and Joe on Carson Street.
They inquired about WB’s Colorado plate.
The next thing that you know, we were talking trail.
Jingles, WB, Buddha, and Debbie for a reunion at Carmella’s Plates & Pints.
Jimbo Jackson.
Oceans are like mountains.
Vast. Enigmatic. Nondescript.
Fort Lauderdale, FL.
Dara is getting married!
Ask questions.
We are educated through others’ experiences.
Drag dinner.
She’s getting married, so we got buried.
60 days and counting!
Captain!
Michelle, my soul sister.
Nikki & Eva.
Brunch with Jesus Joyce.
One’s space is christened by the presence of loved ones.
I heard her voice from across the pre-op holding area…
I knew that I had heard it before…
But not since Middle Creek Campground…
It was PICKLES!
Trace Brewing for the World Cup!
Pamela’s Diner with Pam and Karen.
Dee Dee, a fellow nurse and support…
…gifted me with this token. For no reason, other than her sweetness.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Dad.
Sweet Aunt Chris.
“Many grievers will miss and yearn for their person who died, even more, as time goes by. These feelings often rest more deeply within our hearts, and so others, mostly, will not notice. And because as time goes by, others, mostly, will stop asking. This is why most people are unaware that yearning for our person, even in the midst of a joy-filled and content life, might deepen within our hearts as time goes by.”
Uncle Roy.
Aunt Sandra, Aurora’s keeper.
Thank you, Denise.
When my beautiful Mother was 19 years young, she sat with Santa.
Aurora’s roots continue to grow 🍋.
“Favorite Things” brunch at The Country House Farm.
Mommy & Daddy!
ShuBrew in Christmas PJ’s!
Love one another.
Dinner at Hanlon’s Diner with Dad’s new hero, Triple Crowner, Wilderness Bob.
Thank you, Misana.
Cheers, Sister!
Homemade potpourri.
Happy birthday, my Angel!
My manuscript in the works….
Thank you, mama.
Ryan Westfall is the stuff.
Happy birthday to my other half.
I have friends in high places.
Letters from friends.
Tedeschi Trucks, LP 3. Thank you, Wallflower.
Christmas visit from Smoller and Amelia!
Me and Mac in A’s apron.
Luminaries lining my street.
Christmas Eve, 2022.
HNY Maureen!
My people, Suellen and Pammy.
Happy New Year, Yinz!
My President completed her thru hike of the Pacific Crest Trail on October 2nd, 2022.
“Getting to this monument drove me for years. Not just 6 months.
I have hiked through scorching heat, freezing wind, snow, hail, rain, smoke, fire, and flames. Excruciating pain. Hunger, thirst, and discomfort- my daily companions.
I am stronger in mind and body than most people could ever hope to be. I have seen and learned much. Unbelievable beauty. Breathtaking misery. Obstacles that become the path forward.
I am- a thru hiker.
March 29- October 2, 2022
2602.1 miles.”
This.
Her.
A gift from my dear Raelyn.
“The ‘Chip-away’. The ‘A little bit becomes a lot’ concept. Keep trying everyday to put a penny towards the bank. Your mind bank. Your body bank. Your love bank. Your nothing bank. If you don’t start somewhere, you will be nowhere. Start small, like a penny, and eventually you will get closer to where you need to be.”
